digesting all my pains

words have been thrown..
emotions have been shown..
yet heart were still shattered..
in my lips the words stuttered..
running back but I’m being pushed forward
and hold hope in my hand so hard

the edges are beginning to swallow me
with only little grasp of breath that i see
to take a look in those eyes
your love in disguise
goodbye now….

there she was…smiling and all  i was looking at her…slowly to her lips and to her eyes beautiful…what can i say.. throwing those infectious laughs as her friends throw smiles i hope i know where you live and somehow bring something for you i dont mind the distance and ask you to come with me lets sit at these sands and for tonight you'll know something as i tell you how many stars have fallen above us to wish a moment and see a sunrise with you holding my hands and giving me those evil grins and saying this things to myself  and just make it as a dream for now all i can do now is to help you fix yourself i tried so many thing but you just dont care as you silently gaze at those grasses and let your other friends handle the sadness written at your face how i wish i can tell you that the past cannot do anything now…

tragedies happen…
try to walk inside of me..
let me tell you how these feelings rot
with each words that you spit
and stained my thoughts
i look at these stars..
looking for that special star
to fall into me…
and let this pain fade
when it takes a grip on my neck
and mimics my mind
of how stupid i am still
staring at the black sky
looking at these white dotted spots
wishing that in a moment in my life
i injected bliss in your veins
a sickness you’ve given me
with the effect of bringing me so down
that i couldn’t barely feel a thing
when i saw you…all things fell down
holding his hand infront of me
was a nice punch to my feelings
i wish i didnt assume too much
but what i can do?
that i just want you…
and look at you laughing
with every words i say..
and that all im asking for…
i’ll blind you with all of these
when you’re with me…
so you’ll never know…
what you were really for me…
+bows down+ thank you..
at least i was happy…
for awhile…

stop breathing…
i’ll die soon…
cuz does it makes you mad?
when you see me happy for awhile
that you want to rip off this smile
that i wear always…
i tried to hold on so hard..
but im slowly slipping away
that it wants you to scream out
it kills me inside..
i wanted to hug you so tight
but there’s a barrier of pain
whenever i try to come to close
until now…
im trying to decode your mind
to unlock those feelings again..
im having trouble feeling anything
when your presence is near
i dont know if i can speak
my lips starts to stutter
im still hoping…in some way
you’ll try to speak again
the way you had before
i’ll sit outside…
cuz at this time
i want to feel alone for a moment
but i dont mean we’re through
dont scream you dont fuc*ing know me
cuz i didnt pack my feelings
that you thought i had let go
im writing these words
to let it slip in your veins
and make you feel what i feel
i need you too….
maybe all you need is a little room
a little room to breath…

i pushed too hard on myself..
expected too much…
and here’s how it all end…
pieces of me…my thoughts…
buried deep inside of me….
like the shrapnel of a bullet
scattered inside of me…
these thoughts was never mean to be hurt
your words was so severe
it almost brought me down..
so hard…and heavy…the feelings
was so scared…and went slicing me
and burst the hatred of me..
of how i was so damn fool
and cleaning the wounds of it
speak again..
and how it twist my mind
transcend these thoughts..
of how things should be..
into something i was so afraid of..
im weak i know that…
but you never..
cuz you were my weakness
you were…you just never knew that
and i leave you now…
my sweetest weakness…

sometimes digging to myself
to look back at the old pages
seems so hard…and painful
emotional bleeding has been my sickness
ever since pain raped me..
sometimes pain would cover itself
most of the time it all about happiness
the after you took all the happiness
suprise…its pain…but i never learn
sometimes feeling such pain is better
rather than feeling something
something that could crumble your day
into dust…your day blown away
restless nights follows…
without knowing it again…
your eyes starts to burn…
and it just sucks
when you cant cry anymore
cuz the tears has all burned up..
escape…find an escape…
when all i can find is music..
and when you listen to it..
the more emo you can be
as you try to relate the song
to yourself…
and no matter how hard we try
we’re all emo…
no one can change that..
and for me…
thats how emo i can be…

my words were so ready…
a little push..and i can utter it
but you just dont get it..
do you?..
and it all fell down..
crawls back inside of me..
and stitch my mouth with hatred..
i’ll step back now…
cuz i just dont get why…
at these times..
my imaginary friends..
im calling out for your help
take me away..even for awhile
make me happy…
kneeling down on this room
where my tears are reflecting your face
of why i should let go now
with all your plans drawn
just infront of me…
so i was left again..
again..
so it begins again..
the pain…or whatever you call it
cuz it simply just hurts..

i thought everything was going fine
i told myself its no more
no more pain….no more tears..
but the comfort was just temporary
after an image burns my core
so hard…it shatters again
the past rewinding in my view
pulling me down…
im strangled by your thoughts
your face…and i just hate it
why cant you just leave me…
for awhile…
leave me happy…
but how come you cant
i want to let go now…
dont let me hold of that pain..
back flash of the pains…
stirring my mind,…
shouting these emotions
so hard at night…
and let the blood flow in to these words
im sooo tired of crying…
explain me these pain
you can’t right?
its all the same….
am i bound to feel this forever?
in this darkness
who ate me so alive
tear me apart
its better that way…
rather than ripping me slowly
is this thoughts never gonna stop
feeling the pains
its all locked inside…
but all of these?
its just words
i cant hurt you
i cant even tell what i feel to you
but please….
let me go..
i can’t deal with these tears burning me
everynight….
i know your happy…
let me be too…pls…
im having trouble in my life
i want to fix it..
not destroy it by you..
let me be…
let me go…
let these tears stop…
please..
please……..

i dont know where to start
or where to pick up my words
to start this thoughts
chanting this wont help much
so might as well jot it down..
complicated…this would be a start
and how i fall back down to the days
where we would hide
hold our hands so tight
wipe each others tears
and just smile at each other
smile…those smiles..
kills me everytime i see that at you
and then it came…so fast..
your lips so soft…
and you smiled…
the rain blowing away from my head
the time stopped for awhile
you made me happy..
and im glad you did..
then we formed this puzzle
that we cant seem to unlock
mysterious,so hard,unknown
or whatever it was
but we tried so hard
and it wasnt soon
until we unlocked it
the words…the feelings…
the hugs…the kisses..
flowing out of it…
the clue where we spent
so many nights asking ourselves
and here we are
looking at each others eyes…
i’ll hold your hand
so tight…and whisper
"dangaton taka poh…dai ako mawawara…promise"
as i turn my page for tomorrow
i’ll hold on to that line
until my last of page of my life..

i tried to hold on…
i really tried..
but my grip wasnt enough
you had to let go…
and you words
shreds me to pieces..
the pain its so f*cking real
i cant take a glimpse of you
reminds me of the pain
it drags me down..
my walls are all crumbling down
and i dont think i can fix it
like it used to be..
my thousand wishes
on those falling stars
wont grant me  my wish..
and im kneeling down…
the chances..
wont give me a second chance..
but its not your fault
its mine…
i’ve lost the battle before..
and now the war…
i give up..
my core is shouting retreat
its causing too much pain
i’ve got to keep silent now
i’ll stitch this mouth…
and this heart too…
again…